What does Sobriety mean to me? It means for the first time in 15 years having true freedom. Freedom from the bottle that enslaved me. Freedom from not being able to handle everyday life. Freedom from feeling the need to control every aspect of my life but still failing at that. Freedom from misery. Freedom from hating myself.
Being Sober has given my life back. I was enslaved by my need to drink. I would wake up everyday looking forward to the next time I was going to put the poison back in my body. It was the only time I ever felt like I was my true self. It was the only time I ever felt like not being in control was acceptable.
I was not able to deal with ordinary things daily. One small thing would happen that was out of my control and that would make me want to drink. Not being in control was a problem for me. However, I found a solution to that problem, which was the bottle. The bottle did not give me any control, but it allowed me to not care if I was in control.
Drinking was the only time that I could not look in the mirror and think about how much of a piece of shit I was. It allowed me to become loose and not care about anything, for a while. But eventually that quit working too. At that point I hated myself and was destroying my body. I would have the shakes for days after a bad bender, but I knew I could turn back to my tried and faithful solution, my good pal Jack and Stolichnaya.
Being Sober means, I am no longer controlled by my impulses and my everyday need to avoid my problems. It means that I am willing to let God be in control. It means I can turn to my higher power, when things are out of my control and know that I can handle anything with his help. Sobriety means I am able to be an asset to my family.
I can now wake up for the first time in 15 years looking forward to my day. I no longer require the poison which guided my life because God is now guiding my life. I look in the mirror and I see value. I see someone who has experienced amazing things in life and has a lot to offer others. I love myself and I love having a spiritual toolkit to approach life.
Sobriety is true freedom. It is a spiritual way of life that allows me to a temporary reprieve from the need to drink.
Dustin S. – Early Sobriety Group