Posted in Sharing

Maturity

The mature person has developed attitudes in relation to himself and his environment which have lifted him above “childishness” in thought and behavior.


My Mind Is My Garden,
My Thoughts Are My Seeds.
I Will Harvest Either Flowers or Weeds.


Some of the characteristics of the person who has achieved true adulthood are suggested here:

  1. He accepts criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve.
  2. He does not indulge in self-pity. He has begun to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life.
  3. He does not expect special consideration from anyone.
  4. He controls his temper.
  5. He meets emergencies with poise.
  6. His feelings are not easily hurt.
  7. He accepts the responsibility of his own actions without trying to “alibi.”
  8. He has outgrown the “all or nothing” stage. He recognizes that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad, and he begins to appreciate the Golden Mean.
  9. He is not impatient at reasonable delays. He has learned that he is not the arbiter of the universe and that he must often adjust himself to other people and their convenience.
  10. He is a good loser. He can endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining.
  11. He does not worry about things he cannot help.
  12. He is not given to boasting or “showing off” in socially unacceptable ways.
  13. He is honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune. He has outgrown envy and jealousy.
  14. He is open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of others.
  15. He is not a chronic “fault-finder.”
  16. He plans things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment.

Last of all, we think in terms of spiritual maturity:

  1. He has faith in a Power greater than himself.
  2. He feels himself an organic part of mankind as a whole, contributing his part to each group of which he is a member.
  3. He obeys the spiritual essence of the Golden Rule: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

Emotional sobriety is when:

  1. I am free of resentments, jealousy, and envy–and free to forgive quickly.
  2. My emotions are not so violent that they cause me to go or be on a dry drunk.
  3. I am able to make normal everyday decisions without my vision being unduly influenced by my emotions.
  4. I am able to identify & live by my personal values without compromise to emotional pressure.
  5. I am able to enjoy life as spiritual principles would dictate–such as being properly revolted by ugliness, sin, and suffering, and positively rewarded by happenings of love, beauty and principle.
  6. I am happy when others do things better or quicker than I have done them.
  7. My emotions are in sync with my intellect, and both are in synch with God’s Will.
  8. I can live freely without being emotionally subservient to another human being.
  9. I can move freely between the emotional states of child, adult, and parent.
  10. I derive genuine, healthy pleasure from helping others without thought of reward, money, prestige, or station.
Posted in Sharing

Emotional Fluency

All feelings are okay, but not all behaviors are. This is the basic guiding principle for our emotional lives. “Emotional fluency” is the ability to be in touch with whatever we are feeling inside and able to communicate those sensations to ourselves—and others—in ways that are life enhancing rather than destructive.

We develop this capacity for emotional fluency gradually, starting in childhood, as we learn to identify and name certain bodily sensations. We then expand the vocabulary we use to express the continuum of each core feeling. Using “I” statements, followed by a feeling word, helps us refine our ability to take responsibility and make these internal sensations our own. I feel scared when I see you drinking so much. I feel upset and angry with myself when I mess up.

Mood storms teach us about the ever-changing tempestuous nature of our emotional life. We all go through times when our emotions seem to have us in their grasp, more than we are having them. Through all these developmental phases, we learn to experience, recognize, name, and then express our internal experience to others. Addictions commonly interrupt this growth and tend to leave us with less mature skills in identifying and revealing our inner states. Sobriety allows us reclaim what we have been missing.

Whatever I am feeling is valid; how I choose to express it needs healthy boundaries.