Everyone is always talking about the 12 Steps in A. A. Another way of thinking about it are the 12 Mis-Steps of A. A. Here they are:
- Start missing meetings for any reason, real or imaginary.
- Become critical of the methods used by other members who may not agree with you in everything.
- Nurse the idea that someday, somehow, you can drink again and become a controlled drinker.
- Let the other fellow do the 12th Step work in your group. You are too busy.
- Become conscious of your A. A. seniority and view every new member with a skeptical, jaundiced eye.
- Become so pleased with your own views of the program that you consider yourself an “elder statesman.”
- Start a small clique within your own group, composed only of a few members who see eye-to-eye with you.
- Tell the new member in confidence that you yourself do not take certain of the 12 Steps seriously.
- Let your mind dwell more and more on how much you are helping others rather than on how much the A. A. program is helping you.
- If an unfortunate member has a slip, drop him at once.
- Cultivate the habit of borrowing money from other members; then stay away from meetings to avoid embarrassment.
- Look upon the 24-hour plan as vital to new members, but not for yourself. YOU have outgrown the need of that long, long ago.
The Grapevine March 1947
Vol. 3 No. 10
PERSONS who attain sobriety through the A.A. principles, do so only after a thoughtful application of the 12 Suggested Steps to recovery. They happily find themselves on a level plateau of sanity after ascending these steps, one after another, and they maintain their sobriety by a continuing application of these same steps.
Those unfortunates who lose their sobriety are said to be having a “slip”. I believe this is a misnomer, for it suggests only a momentary adversity that unexpectedly pounces on its unwary victim. A more apt term would be a “glissade,” for a slip is the result of a gradual process, beginning long before its logical termination, and progressing through a series of wrong steps, to a drink, and for us, a drunk.
A slip cannot be said to occur only when it culminates in a drink, for many of us, in our failure to apply the 12 Steps to our living, frequently have slips, which are none the less slips merely because we do not slip as far as a drink.
As one must ascend the 12 Steps gradually, I feel the “slip” is the result of unconsciously descending these Steps. And as descending steps is always accompanied with less effort than ascending them, the steps soon assume the behavior of an escalator.
As the “bottom” is reached it invariably results in taking that “one drink,” which leads, for us, only to all the remorse, terror and unhappiness that follows a binge.
These, then, are in my opinion the “12 Steps to a slip,” and are the direct result of failure to consciously apply to our lives the 12 Suggested Steps to recovery:
- We neglect 12th Step work.
- We omit contact with the Higher Power.
- We forget personal inventory.
- We assume grudges against others.
- We miss A.A. meetings, and avoid A.A. friends.
- We gradually lose humility.
- We fall into self pity.
- We worry about unalterables.
- Our thinkin’ really starts stinkin’.
- We become “cocky” and overconfident.
- We neglect to ask help from the Higher Power, and take “just one.”
- We become a “social drinker.” (Temporarily.)
For any time, any place, anywhere!
- Exhaustion – Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.
- Dishonesty – Begins with pattern of little lies; escalated to self-delusion and making excuses for not doing what’s called for.
- Impatience – I want what I want NOW. Others aren’t doing what I think they should or living the way I know is right.
- Argumentative – No point is too small or insignificant not to be debated to the point of anger and submission.
- Depression – All unreasonable, unaccountable despair should be exposed and discussed, not repressed: what is the “exact nature” of those feelings?
- Frustration – Controlled anger/resentment when things don’t go according to our plans. Lack of acceptance. See #3.
- Self-pity – Feeling victimized, put-upon, used, unappreciated: convinced we are being singled out for bad luck.
- Cockiness – Got it made. Know all there is to know. Can go anywhere, including frequent visits just to hang-out at bars, boozy parties.
- Complacency – Like #8, no longer sees value of daily program, meetings, contact with other alcoholics, (especially sponsor!), feels healthy, on top of the world, things are going well. Heck may even be cured!
- Expecting too much of others – Why can’t they read my mind? I’ve changed, what’s holding them up? If they just do what I know is best for them? Leads to feeling misunderstood, unappreciated. See #6.
- Letting up on disciplines – Allowing established habits of recovery – meditations, prayer, spiritual reading, AA contact, daily inventory, meetings – – to slip out of our routines; allowing recovery to get boring and no longer stimulating for growth. Why bother?!
- Using mood-altering chemicals – May have a valid medical reason, but misused to help avoid the real problems of impending alcoholic relapse.
- Wanting too much – Setting unrealistic goals: not providing for short-term successes; placing too much value on material success, not enough on value of spiritual growth.
- Forgetting gratitude – Because of several listed above, may lose sight of the abundant blessings in our everyday lives: too focused on # 13.
- “It can’t happen to me.” – Feeling immune; forgetting what we know about the disease of alcoholism and its progressive nature.
- Omnipotence – A combination of several attitudes listed above; leads to ignoring danger signs, disregarding warnings and advice from fellow members.
— Akron Intergroup News, December 1998
Join us for a 4 week series on how to stay sober through the holidays